DISCLAIMER: This article is written in jest and should not be taken seriously. In the event of someone actually using this method to write a story, please give me some credit (at least say I was SOME inspiration).
P.S. I am not saying in any way it is easy to write a story, this is just a method to do so.
In order for you to have write a good short story, you should follow the KEEL System as it allows you to check yourself. For non-fantasy novels, you can use the EEK! system (ignore L)
Language
If your writing in the fantasy or Sci-fiction, your aliens/ various species (goblin, fairy,etc) must have a unique language which the readers must understand but the characters must not.
Examples:Wrong 1:
Gimme the Dworf: {My Name in Gimme the Dworf, I come from the mystical land of Garbok. I wish to join you on your quest. }
Pokachu : OK!
Why wrong? 1. This shows no imagination at all. Just brackets? Very bad.
2. Your story characters can reading just by looking at the text.
3. No personalisation. What if you have more than 2 Mystic Languages? Different brackets?
Wrong 2:
Gimme the Dworf: "Ah tak Geewar Gimme Sef Dorf! Gefi mika dek'wah Garbok. Gefi Noew fow gena"
Pokachu: !!???!???!??
Why wrong? 1. No one can read or understand it.
2. Only characters who speak it in the book understand it.
Right
Gimme the Dworf: "Mun Neim as Geeemee Da Dvorf! Ah Cune frun Da Mist-ic-al Lund of Gear Bork. Ah Vuish tuh June You Un Yar Qvest."
Pokachu: !!???!???!??
Why right? 1. The reader can understand it but the characters can't.
2. It sounds original and credits you with imagination.
So remember your fantasy Vocab!
"Suh Rahmenbar you Funtazery Voocub!"
Elaborate
A story needs to be relatively long, so you must elaborate. Put in Excruciating pains into finding long, long words that no one will actually bother to read or understand just to make it longer. Keeping a dictionary on hand would help too.
Example:
Wrong: “Thanks for the tea, Mary, see you around.”
Right: “I bid thee farewell, fair maiden, and I wish to express my most solemn and sincere gratitude and gratefulness for the dried and prepared leaves which thou has made into so wonderful a beverage. Now, I must take my leave. “
Most paragraphs should be able to be converted into a single sentence. This is an important technique and should be studied well.
Encounter
Your characters must find something to talk about or find in order for them to be distracted. While their distracted, something will happen to one of the characters, giving you a situation to write about.
Example:
Wrong: The two dwarfs guides working in harmony to aid their client over the mountain. They pointed out the dangers of the mountain, which included unsteady rocks and dangerous animals. They were quiet going up the hill and hid their food in special containers. They also told him about rumors of a mysterious being who abducted people. Armed with this knowledge, they set off and reached their destination without a hitch.
Right: The two dwarf guides gazed at each other in contempt, silently cursing the other for stealing “his” business of guiding people over the mountain. They bickered as they started to climb up the mountain and their loud noises started an avalanche. While no one was hurt, their supplies were crushed and they had to return to the village to start again. The following day, they set out again, and remained silent, though they still shot daggers out of their eyes at each other. They made it halfway up the mountain and made camp. In the middle of the night, due to the dwarves carelessness, all their supplies were eaten by ravenous wild animals. In the Morn, their client, now very frustrated at them, decided to press on and get over the mountain before anything happened. They continued and made camp on the opposite side of the mountain the following night. Their hunger pangs kept them awake, but since they were at the top of the mountain, they bickered noisily. As they were doing so, they did not notice a silent shadow glide smoothly to their client and drag him away, nor his muffled screams for help…….Rescue…..
So remember, always have an encounter to write about.
Kids
In order for you to be able to open up to many audiences to read, you have to “Kiddy-ize” your story, and remove bits of gore and violence that will induce negative images in fragile, uncorrupted children’ minds.
Example:
Wrong: The trooper heard a noise behind him in the forest. He turned and saw two hideous aliens, with claws dripping with blood from two recently killed civilians. Brandishing his Assault rifle, he fired off two rounds of ammunition, and the aliens died in a short burst of blood. Then five seemed to more appear out of nowhere, and he ran and used a grenade to blast them into smoldering pieces of organic matter. (GORE)
Right: The magical wizard of FunFunLand heard something behind him. It was two horrible beasts! He took out two cream pies and flung it at them. Blinded by the luscious cream, the two beasts blundered away confused. Suddenly, five more appeared in thin air and he was forced to use his magic potion to turn them into white fluffy bunnies. (NO GORE)
This will open your book up to all members of a typical family, boosting your sales.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this educational article.
Homin
"Look, but don't steal!" (or at least give me credit or ask for permission)
